Paul Natsuo Kishimoto - 2005

Nostalgia

2005-12-23T00:00:00+01:00

I'm so emo - I've been listening to a lot of music by Stars. They're great:

God that was strange to see you again
Introduced by a friend of a friend
Smiled and said "yes I think we've met before"
In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi despite all the rain
We drove in silence across Pont Champlain
And all of that time you thought I was sad
I was trying to remember your name

This scar is a fleck on my porcelain skin
You tried to reach deep but you couldn't get in
And now you're outside me you see all the beauty
Repent all your sin

Stars - Set Yourself On Fire - 01 - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

For one thing it's the voice of Amy Millan, who sounds like some sort of angel. As Dave says of Imogen Heap, "her voice makes me want to be a better person." The other thing is the lyrics, their self-professed focus on love, and then the tone, the music itself.

Oceans won't freeze
So loosen your heart
Underestimated
Undefeated in this love

We will always be a light

Stars - Set Yourself On Fire - 03 - Ageless Beauty

Badly Drawn Boy is also on high rotation.

I'm so nerdy - I've been watching Bleach and just caught up to the 60th fansubbed episode. The premise, briefly, is that the protagonist invades a sort of soul realm, ruled by death gods, the guardians of souls in both the soul realm and the living world. Protecting the Court of Pure Souls there are Thirteen Court Guardian Squads of these death gods, each with a captain and lieutenant. Each death god's Soul Slayer (sword) can be released, with varying special powers, and there's also demon magic, both dependent on the 'spirit power' of the user.

Anyway, aside from the fantasy premise there are some really brilliant battles; great animation, backdrops, sound and music; and most importantly an amazing attention to detail in the backstory. Each of the captains and lieutenants, as well as the protagonist and his companions, has defining influences. These are outlined in some of the most well-executed flashbacks and narratives I've ever seen in an anime. As the invaders encounter resistance, but also engender infighting amongst the death gods, there are a series of fights that are not only increasingly mind-boggling, but poignant because old friends, lovers and students are turned against one another.

I've been Christmas shopping (almost done, one day left!) and wasting time around Mississauga, and it makes me feel something that isn't nostalgia. It is the stirring of regret, a bittersweet feeling that there are well-crafted and honest things to be said to the people I know, gifts to be given, love to be made, and so on - none of which will ever come to pass. And the reason is simply that the world constrains me to the number of hours in a day, the money in my pocket, and to being only the one, imperfect person I am. (Disclaimer: note I don't use 'worthless' or 'lonely')

It makes me sort of sad, and it's hard to pin down why. I want to experience strong emotion; I know I'm capable of it, and the world and people around me are capable of arousing it. Only to do so continually would be unbearably wearying, so some days I just limp through in mediocrity, doing nothing poignant, nothing that will create a great memory or dictate my future actions. At the same time, I want to display strength and consistency of character, and be the sort of person who isn't perturbed except by rare, deep and meaningful things. I don't want to ride or appear to ride an emotional rollercoaster; that's really not me. Nor do I want to let these feelings of regret solidify and become bitterness, an acute awareness of missed opportunities. Life shouldn't be lived in regret.

There is no point. I've reached no decision; I write only to fumble closer. If you want, bug me over the holidays to write that poem 'The Gentleman Lover' I've been thinking of for months - it would probably be cathartic.

Now Playing: Massive Attack - 100th Window - 07 - Small Time Shot Away

Michael Geist

2005-12-20T00:00:00+01:00

This is why I love the Canada Research Chair program, the Ontario postsecondary education system, and Michael Geist. His observations on the Internet are always legally informative, politically neutral, and rhetoric-free; at the same time they embody the sort of values, enshrined in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, that Canada's laws are designed to protect.

His work is the exact antithesis of the partisan committee-authored 'think tank' reports that a lot of American lawmaking and lobbying seem to be based on, a direct effect of the mandate of the CRC. I find it very refreshing.

Now Playing: Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast - 12 - Magic In The Air

Archives Fixed

2005-12-06T00:00:00+01:00

Woo! I should be studying.

Now Playing: Led Zeppelin - Led Zeppelin III - 06 - Gallows Pole

Blackjack

2005-12-05T00:00:00+01:00

I'm 21! I wish I could say I had more to show for it, but other events have overshadowed it.

I had the flu from roughly 26-29 November. While I was under I exacerbated my headache by redoing the layout of this site; it's a lot simpler and cleaner now. Some notable changes:

The blurbs have been moved to the front Media page.
I added a list of the anime I have burned to DVD; let me know if you want to borrow anything.
Some books added as to-reads; I've got some spoken-word and lyrics to go into the poetry section soon.
Links page redone to take advantage of the built-in Wordpress links system.
Archives pages still broken. Links to http://khaerukama-o.geodave.net/_year_/_month_/ are generated by WordPress when the actual pages are at http://khaerukama-o.geodave.net/date/_year_/_month_/; for example the August 2004 archives are [here](http://khaerukama-o.geodave.net/date/2004/08/), not [here](http://khaerukama-o.geodave.net/2004/08/). This will need some looking-at.

I realize I haven't been linking Stock.Xchng for a long time, but that's where I get all the pretty background images you see at the top. I'm using a script from here so that the title image (a PNG) should be transparent in IE 5.5+ as well as Mozilla/Opera.

In other nerdy news I've switched from Bloglines (which is still an excellent web-based newsreader) to Google Reader. An OPML file of my feeds is here - for the untutored, that's basically a list of sites with regular news updates or posts (like friends' blogs) that I read on a daily basis.

My birthday itself on Wednesday was a bit of a non-event; I was studying most of the day, although I did sort of greet the day in style 12:01 AM Wednesday morning - thanks for the help, you.

Friday was the day of a truly excellent and well-attended party. We started off at SUDS, where I got through about 90% of a hardhat full of beer before burping half of it back up - Pete of course finished, because he's huge. Crazy Italians. After that we had a solid, filling two-hour dinner at Korean Grillhouse with 19 friends. I was persuaded to sign up for the Charity Date Auction that goes on during Godiva Week; come bid on me and drive up the price. It benefits both charity and my ego, yay. After KBBQ we headed to O'Grady's on College, and encamped for several hours of just sitting and drinking and shooting the shit, which I've found I enjoy thoroughly. I'm always glad when my high school friends and Skule friends get along; it makes me happy that I know so many quality people and that they recognize that in one another. Unfortunately I was apparently stealthed as far as Dave is concerned, but that will be remedied. Thanks to everyone who trickled in or tried to make it.

Yesterday (Saturday) I headed home and thence to London with my parents to see the Conspirato Chamber Singers, including my sister Marla and cousin Laura. They were truly excellent for a choir of random undergrads conducted by a Masters student, and sang some beautiful pieces. The price ($0) was right, too. For dinner we pigged out at Mongolian Grill - if you haven't been, find the nearest one and make a beeline.

For gifts I received a really comfortable sweater and a pair of cords from GAP along with an expensive dress shirt and heavy blue tie from my parents; Virgil's The Aeneid from Marla, and a pair of wireless headphones from Bob, Brian and Kim - thanks everyone!

Lyrics

2005-11-26T00:00:00+01:00

Instead of going off on extensive tangents the way I usually do, I'm just going to quote a lot of really good or striking lyrics and let you make what you will of them.

Call me over and I trust We lay here 'til we must Make our break to our star bodies go

There's a shake with the shock And a gift off with them They carry the dust of the failing wisdom For you there's not any warning And love is 5 in the morning

'Til we skip through the towns to the bright sweet past on And bury the dust of the failing wisdom For you there's not any warning And love is 5 in the morning The New Pornographers - Twin Cinema - - Star Bodies

Finally you are free of me It must be true or you'd give a minute But it's always my fault Always it's your forgiveness This unbalanced resolve I must be hateful So I hang up the phone Call it a small sacrifice You still hear me now Lagwagon - Blaze -04 - I Must Be Hateful

Now this slick fallen rift came like a gift Your body moves ever nearer And you will dry this tear Now that we're here, and grieve for me, not history But now I'm dry of thoughts, wait for the rain Then it's replaced, sun setting

And, suddenly you're in love with everything. Badly Drawn Boy - The Hour of Bewilderbeast - 01 - The Shining

Run quick, they're behind us Didn't think we'd ever make it This close to safety in one piece Now you wanna kill me in the act of what could maybe Save us from sleep and what we are

Good eye, sniper Now I shoot, you run The words you scribbled on the walls With the loss of friends you didn't have I'll call you when the time is right Are you in or are you out? For them all to know the end of us all

Bye bye beautiful Don't bother to write Disturbed by your words and they're calling all cars Face step, let down. Face step, step down. Coheed & Cambria - In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3 - 10 - A Favor House Atlantic

God, that was strange to see you again Introduced by a friend of a friend Smiled and said "Yes, I think we've met before." In that instant it started to pour

Captured a taxi in spite of the rain We drove in silence across Pont Champlain And all that time you thought I was sad I was trying to remember your name. Stars - Set Yourself On Fire - 01 - Your Ex-Lover Is Dead

Ageless beauty Cruelty makes its holes But on the shoreline Time will hold its promise We will always be a light (You can see it from the surface, see it) We will always be a light (You can see it from the surface, see it) We will always be a light

Tattered fingers Lingering on the warm and foolish Hardened faces Graceless, we'll lose the battle We will always be a light…

Oceans won't freeze So loosen your heart Underestimated Undefeated in this love We will always be a light… Stars - Set Yourself On Fire - 03 - Ageless Beauty

Utterly Terrifying

2005-11-01T00:00:00+01:00

The above photo is of a test of the LG-118A Peacekeeper ICBM, which carries up to ten 300 KT MIRV warheads. Little Boy (the atomic bomb dropped on Hiroshima) rated about 13 KT. What these measurements mean is that detonating 300,000 tons of TNT (a common explosive) or one of these warheads releases equal energy. That TNT would form a solid cube about 20 storeys high. The test warheads were inert (obviously), and dropped on an uninhabited atoll in the Pacific. The bright lines result from the heat created by their reentry into the atmosphere at over five times the speed of sound. If they were live, the next shot would consist of the land and sea being ripped up and flying towards the photographer.

I'm struck by the terrible beauty of the streaks piercing the clouds, a vast Godhand reaching out of the sky to pick up the horizon. I'm reminded of the end of the Evangelion series, and the movie Casshern:

The human body is built for mental comfort. Our eyes are directed downwards, the better to spot whatever's trying to eat us, or ought to be eaten - the sky is out of sight, out of mind. We don't have to contend with how big it is, so usually we don't worry about it, since it doesn't do much besides drip on us occasionally. But every now and then a tall building, a clear sky with clouds in the distance, or a bolt of lightning makes us look up. On such occasions I feel a dizzying sense of scale. It's not that I feel conscious of being small, but rather my mind is filled and strained by the attempt to imagine the unimaginably vast.

… I'm struggling for words - can you tell? My thought is this: at such times man cannot feel relaxed or content - in fact we're more likely to be agitated. Then it shouldn't be surprising that the most powerful gods in Norse and Classical mythology are those of the sky and thunder. We can't conceive of being subject to phenomena of mindbreaking size utterly at random.

Now man has the ability to dispense death from above, either nuclear or kinetic (a metre-wide sphere of metal simply dropped from 20 km has 0.5 KT of energy). I think the most sensible thing to feel when looking at the reentry photo is irrational terror. When I was younger I had occasional nightmares about lying in bed at night, looking out the window while some adult voice spoke calmly to me in a low tone. I somehow knew that, out beyond the horizon, a vast and terrible thing extending up into the sky was peeling civilization off the face of the Earth, and that it was coming towards me. But the worst bit, the part that would wake me up shivering, was realizing the owner of the voice knew about the thing, was responsible, but was entirely unworried by it.

Anyway, I'm against nuclear weaponry of all forms. Let the vastness of the sky be incomprehensible yet benevolent, and not an arena for man's quarrels.

Now Playing: Hed Kandi - Winter Chill - I - 04 - Aim - Cold Water Music

Daddy, won't you please come home?

2005-10-30T00:00:00+02:00

I've been looking for this song for years. I've found a shitty, skippy 80 kbps mp3 of it. I am willing to buy the album to hear more. Apparently Nine Big Dogs were around in Canada from 1990-1992, released one album called Bite and one of the members went on to help found the Killjoys, though he didn't record with them. Someone has mentioned that Alan Cross might have used this song on a History of New Rock segment. Any info is appreciated.

Now Playing: Nine Big Dogs - Bite - Dougie's Lament

Dougie's not like any other man, no no no He's not from anywhere near here Dougie comes from some far away land He's been cruising now for 20 light-years His journey him by a little blue planet Thought he'd stop to stock up on some fresh supplies It started off as just another friendly visit But those native girls, they got a big surprise, yeah 'Cause now there's little green babies With antennas on their ears Singing, "Daddy, won't you please come home?" But Daddy's gone to Mars He's looking for a drug store that sells… Intergalactic prophylactic They don't make it 'round here! Intergalactic prophylactic One size fits all! It's the incredible new elastic Patent Pending! Intergalactic prophylactic Comes complete with lubrication Guaranteed to get any man Out of a tight situation And back in again EVEN A MAN AS BIG AS YOU? … Yes. Oooh, no no no no Dougie's bigger than your average man I don't believe it, but I go by what the ladies say He's learned the in and outs of space travel, and yeah He's taught them all 'bout the Milky Way They locked him up, he's doing eight to ten, but then again That's what you get for when you've been so naughty Lucky for Dougie he's got a good friend, All he's gotta do is say to him, "Beam me up, Scotty!" And now there's little green babies With antennas on their ears Singing, "Daddy, won't you please come home?" But Daddy's gone to Mars He's looking for a drug store that sells… Intergalactic prophylactic They don't make it 'round here! Intergalactic prophylactic One size fits all! It's the incredible new elastic Patent Pending! Intergalactic prophylactic It's reusable! Intergalactic prophylactic Machine-washable! Intergalactic prophylactic Indestructible! Intergalactic prophylactic Tax-deductible! Intergalactic prophylactic That's a lot of bull! Intergalactic prophylactic Comes complete with lubrication Guaranteed to get any man Out of a tight situation And back in again EVEN A MAN AS BIG AS YOU? … Yes. Even a man as big as me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Interesting Times

2005-10-27T00:00:00+02:00

May you live in interesting times [and attract the attention of interesting people [and may all your dreams come true]] Unknown

I just read an interesting article on the supposed origins of this curse, which I first stumbled across in a novel by Terry Pratchett years ago. I think it's fair to say we live in interesting times.

Here's a new take on the teenage-angst cliché "noone understands me," which is clearly a false generalization in anyone's case. Everyone has a store of items which resonate with them deeply - bits of writing, poetry, music, phrases, concepts, etc. Given how complex the world and the human mind are, it's better to list these items in order of their significance than to try and describe yourself. Extending this, if someone shares your touchstones, it's highly probable you see eye to eye on various issues and would get on well with them.

For example: you might say it's a delight to live in interesting times, attract the attention of interesting people, and have your dreams come true. On a superficial level I can agree - life would be exhilarating, to say the least. Still, the conflicts and injustices of the world, the emotionally draining and idiosyncratic lives of celebrities and public figures, and the dangers of being stinking rich, popular and irresponsible (common dreams) aren't things I'd wish on myself or my friends. Would you rather live comfortably in a suburb in Canada, or in a warzone in the Middle East? The warzone is interesting. Would you rather hang out with modest and honest people, or ambitious ones? The latter are interesting, but they take no prisoners to get where they're going. Do you have the strength of character to remain the person you are if all your dreams were realized? Would you want to struggle to do so?

It bears some thought, if you haven't considered the issue before. You can be content, or you can be happy and deal with sadness of equal magnitude, which invariably accompanies - decide for yourself where you want to strike the balance.

Now Playing: Millencolin - Kingwood - 11 - Mooseman's Jukebox

Plus ça change…

2005-10-21T00:00:00+02:00

…plus c'est la même chose, non? Frighteningly enough I can't even say it's mid-October; that's come and gone. The term is nearly half over. I'm having less than complete success keeping my vague resolutions for this year, but any progress is better than none. Improvements:

Working out more; doing circuit training once or twice weekly, usually with Calden. Ultimate games on weekends. CN Tower Stairclimb this Saturday.
Marks are decent; none of last year's "just didn't submit it" events.
Doing laundry and cleaning roughly weekly; doing dishes.

But nevertheless

Down to ~4h nightly sleep, and up to ~1.5 cups daily coffee.
Not running at all.
Just this week I've got about two lectures behind in my notes across all five of my core courses. That's maybe five hours worth of copying to do.
Missed a deadline for a lab report today, -5% of 7.5% of my final mark.

Also there are some things which are in that big grey area between the extremes. I've got three main extracurriculars; ECC, dragon boat and Stageband (<plug> Gig this Friday, 5:30 PM at SUDS. Call me for directions </plug>). I've left a lot of ECC work to my exec and house reps; I don't know if this constitutes proper delgation and denial of my obsessive-compulsive micromanagement tendency, or just laziness. Probably the latter. Dragon boat doesn't require much work at this time of year, but sometimes I come back to res to veg for a few minutes between classes instead of running errands / updating the website. Bad Paul. Finally, I'm truly hacking it at Stageband - I think I'm going to ask for my own horn for my birthday so I can practice more often. There are lots of cheap models on eBay, but I'm sort of worried about quality - anyone with any experience buying instruments sight-unseen? Work with me here, people.

This inattention is somewhat justified; consider that every week I've got three or four assignments / labs / memos / papers / other items due, plus usually a quiz. My courses have between one and four midterms / tests / quizzes, and it's coming up to the middle of the term, which means I'm hit with two per week for the next three weeks. It's important to note that these things have to be studied for; 'winging it' high-school-style just doesn't fly in undergrad Engineering.

My point? I shouldn't be writing at all! Back to work!

Now Playing: Radiohead - OK Computer - 02 - Paranoid Android

P.S. My computer's back. For the past two months MTBF has been about three days … let's hope that improves. More blather on my 'delocalization' efforts later.

Well

2005-10-15T00:00:00+02:00

I tell everyone about this sooner or later, so maybe it's important. This is one of my favourite songs—which is a rare thing, since I'm not generally one for favourites.

I don't know when I got this album, but I remember when I started really liking the song. In Air Cadets, we had a long squadron trip, usually in March Break, for the first few years I was in. Two years we went down to NAS Oceania in Virginia. The trips were fun - on one occasion we'd hardly got off the bus and formed up when a prototype of the F-35 flew overhead. Pretty cool.

To get to Virginia/Maryland we piled onto two coach buses, 80 or so cadets all in full dress uniform, and drove nonstop for about 14 hours. Needless to say we watched Top Gun about a billion times, and had some interesting rest stops - including Dale City ("If you lived in Dale City, you'd be home right now"), a drive-through beer store and one Denny's that at 2 AM seemed to be entirely filled with non-humans. The atmosphere on the bus was typical of cadets in close quarters—hormonal, noisy, but sufficiently orderly to avoid discipline from the officers.

Anyway, the point is the song. At one point, on the way south on one of the trips, I was sitting listening to music with my forehead leaned against the window. It was around midnight, and nearly everyone else was asleep. The internal lights and TVs on the coach were off. I don't remember exactly what I was looking at. I think the stars were out, and there was a bit of a berm by the road flashing by, and beyond dark fields or woods, and maybe some lights from a town or scattered houses.

I don't know if I felt or thought it, but the song released me, and for a little while I felt bodiless, flying in these wide, glorious arcs over the fields and the lights and up into the sky. The world spread out beneath me to the horizon, shadowy and dark blue and lit with points of bluish-white lights, and I was easy and free in the night air, spinning about just beneath a sky filled with stars. It was a sort of a waking dream, the coach being so still and dark that no sensation distracted me from the feeling of drifting through space.

…

Clearly I've got some work to do on describing it. It was a glorious feeling, and I still get a bit of it every time I hear the song. I've listened to a lot of trance since then, and some of it has that freeing quality, but it tends to be a bit too energetic. The original was more relaxed - not sleepy relaxed, but wonderfully aware. If you've ever slept naked with the windows open on a breezy night, you'll have a sense of what I mean - except it wasn't at all physical. I felt like pure consciousness.

Now Playing: Matthew Good Band - Underdogs - 09 - The Inescapable Us

The day I met you Decay will let you Learn to bend We are better butterflies Meek we get the end It makes me sick It makes me laugh when I shouldn't Kill what I came to keep alive Your turn to spill Now that's fate Looking our way Sparkling Spot hasn't caught on That's fate Stealing away Your sparkling Spot hasn't caught on Hasn't caught on The day we met up It's hard to get up And live it down We are smaller maybe Than what we can't get around It makes me sick It makes me laugh when I look at you Clap while it's kicking us around And what it spills and what it spills And what it spills is Fate Looking our way Sparkling Spot hasn't caught on That's fate Stealing away Your sparkling Spot hasn't caught on Hasn't caught on

I Don't Know Why…

2005-10-14T00:00:00+02:00

…but I started reading War and Peace, which I bought back in September. I'm on page 283 of ~1500, and it's really not as painful as some people have led me to believe. Nor, however, is it the masterwork others sell it as. Then again, I'm not even into the meat of the plot. We'll see. At the same time I've watched 24 episodes of Great Teacher Onizuka in the past four days or so. It's a great anime, not sure what was keeping me from it.

Why does noone else like White Stripes? Jeez. Last party we had, Danielle was lovin' on Matt Good and dismissing Me First as "so late-'90's" while Kim held a completely opposite view. But noone likes White Stripes. I don't get it.

Sometimes these things make me think I'm delightfully and uniquely idiosyncratic - and then I wake up and realize I'm merely unfocused. Crap.

In other news I've been doing circuit training at Hart House. I've recently moved from Bronze to Silver, which involves:

Track Laps (6 for bronze, 8 for silver, where 7 = 1 km)
Push-ups (15, 20)
Burpees (14, 16)
Stair Climbing (8, 10 flights)
Sit-ups (15, 20)
Dips (9, 12)
Bench Steps (20, 25)
Chin-ups (9, 12)

The idea is you go through the eight stations three times, and aim for a target time. For Bronze it's 28 minutes; for Silver 32. I've done Silver in 35 and 34 and am getting faster. Woo! I'm also going to do the CN Tower Stair Climb on October 20 - please throw change at me if you see me, I need to raise at least $25 for United Way.

Now Playing: The White Stripes - De Stijl - 03 - Little Bird

Idiom

2005-10-10T00:00:00+02:00

During the past week, bent under the weight of multiple problem sets, we (Bob, Kim, Calden, Kari, Nicole, Sara, 'HenrÃ¬,' Niels [all of them] and others) devised a new system for qualifying the immense injustice of the work we've brought on ourselves. For those not familar, we're in Engineering Science, known to Arts & Science students at the University of Toronto as 'the hard one' and to other engineers as 'suicide' or just 'haha.' In short it's a program that looks very advanced and edifying on paper, makes for great bragging and only adds eight months of grief to your $8000 / annum engineering tuition.

Ever seen Band of Brothers? You've got the idea.

Anyway, the system works like this, from least to most severe:

Shitty—generally left unsaid. Everything is shitty.
Balls—these aren't nice. They're hairy, wrinkled, often smelly and probably not clean. Spending 8 PM - 3 AM dealing with balls isn't a good time for anyone.
Balls in the face—worse for obvious reasons.
Balls in the mouth—pretty much as bad as it gets. Unfortunately there's lots of this.

The other thing is that we find it hard to respect complaints about school 'sucking' if they come from anyone with fewer than 20-25 hours of class per week. I've got 26, personally.

Now Playing: The White Stripes - Elephant - 02 - Black Math

Don't you think that I'm bound to react now?
Well, my fingers are definitely turning to black now
…
I can't tell you how proud I am
I'm writing down things that I don't understand
Well, maybe I'll put my love on ice
And teach myself, maybe that'll be nice

Stayin' Alive

2005-10-10T00:00:00+02:00

Well, it's Thanksgiving, more than a month already into the Fall term. I think it's fair to say I'm staying afloat so far, but I'm not sure if I'm up to the 80%+ standard I've set for myself. Still, I feel like I'm doing a much better job staying on top of all the assignments, labs, problem sets, and midterms (already!). Time is still short for fun and games.

Random stuff:

I've started reading War and Peace. I'm on p. 140 of ~1500, but it's surprisingly easy reading so far. I think people are just easily intimidated by large books.
I finished entering all the poetry I had on my old site into the new SQL/PHP system. Some of my favourites include And Death Shall Have No Dominion, beware : do not read this poem, Ye Goatherd Gods and of course Ozymandias. What do you like?
The engineering jazz band I hack about with, the Skule Stageband, is having a gig 5:30 PM Friday 21 October in the Atrium - if you don't go to U of T, that's in the basement of the Sanford Fleming Building (south of the big dome that's Con Hall). The price (none) is right, and SUDS will be selling cheap beer - come out for some great music!
It's 3 AM - I guess that makes me a hypocrite about staying of top of sleep. Bedtime!

Now Playing: Nick Drake - Way To Blue - 05 - River Man

In Full Swing

2005-09-26T00:00:00+02:00

Hooooooooo boy. Things are getting busy. Here's what's up:

The Iron Dragons have gotten approval for sponsorship to buy a full team set of PFDs and get them screening. We are going to look hardcore badass next year - and I mean moreso than previously.
School's started - studying and problem sets out the wazoo. I'm happy to report that I haven't failed to hand anything in - yet - and I'm actually understanding the math. Aerodynamics in particular is a fascinating course, PDEs is horrid, and the prof for Control Systems lectures at lightspeed. About all these more later. Honour roll, here I come!
The Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon was yesterday (Sunday). Results here (309th, bib #1169). I finished in 3:29, which I can hardly believe. I had this crazy feeling of euphoria as I crossed the finish line - I almost felt like crying. Then the pain in my hamstrings kicked in, and I did cry a bit. The weather was perfect (overcast but less than 5 minutes of rain), the course was beautiful, and having free gatorade and Power Gels (the announcer called it a "catered training day") helped immensely. I did indeed hit "the Wall" around 34-35km, and fell behind the 3:30 pace bunny by about 200 m. The rest of the race I just told myself to "Get the fucking rabbit," and managed to catch up just before the finish.

Mad congrats to my roommate/friend/training partner Bob (3:53, bib#2341) and Iron Dragons teammate Roy (3:47, bib#433) - three first-timers under 4:00, we kick ass. Thanks Mom and Dad for coming out and cheering us on/dragging our broken bodies back to Innis.

Can I walk today? Hell no. Will I do it again? Hell yes.
Stageband is indeed back In Full Swing. I'm surprised I remember how to play the trombone. Anyone want to give me a horn?
Life at Innis is picking up. Stay tuned for big changes to InnisRes.com (if you can see it).
My computer is still broken. I've given up on having it back in any recognizable form. I wish I had enough spare dough to just buy my dream system. Please don't comment on how sad it is that I have a dream system.
My ego has shot through the roof for unspecified reasons. I'm not sure if this is a good or a bad thing. Pride goeth before a fall, after all.

Here's to more frequent posting—and badass Goa trance:

Now Playing: Juno Reactor - Beyond The Infinite - 01 - Guardian Angel

If there's anything you want, anything at all - come to me, I'll be your guardian angel.

In Threes

2005-09-18T00:00:00+02:00

…is how bad news comes - or is it good news? Anyway, it turns out I was struck by both a dead motherboard AND defective RAM. Figuring this out involved a lot of time and grief, which I'm thankful is over - EXCEPT for the fact that the HD with my 80 GB music collection and most of my IM received files has tanked. It's under warranty, but it'll be hell and a half downloading it all again.

Make no mistake, though - I intend to!

Now Playing: Nothing.

Water

2005-09-18T00:00:00+02:00

In the spirit of total disclosure:

Four More Years!

2005-09-03T00:00:00+02:00

…I mean, two. I move back into residence tomorrow, for my third year of Engineering Science and my first in the Aerospace option. The summer isn't ending on a good note; rather things have ramped up from manageable through busy to crazy, and might stay that way for some time. To those who've asked if I'm free for social events in the next week, I've been forced to say "Thanks, but no thanks" (Except for F!rosh Nite, 9:00PM Wednesday 7 September at the Guvernment, which everyone in the city should attend). Once again, there's no easing into the term - I'll have to hit the ground running and keep it up without pause. Ironically being good at actual running probably won't help much in this metaphorical sense.

Anyway, my plans for this year are threefold: A's, discipline and efficiency. I need 80%+ in each of my last four terms to graduate with honours; I think I'm more than capable if I apply myself more than in previous years. As a bonus good marks will help me get a better - or merely get a - PEY placement. Discipline means less time-wastage on useless crap like sleeping in to absurd hours, fiddling with code, trolling Contrabandwidth in the wee hours, etc. Efficiency means excising the make-work I habitually use to fool myself into thinking I'm getting things done; prioritizing homework; not wasting time playing catch-up after missing class, etc. In general I want to get rid of unworthy pastimes and focus on things that improve myself, my marks or others.

Some things I'd like to spend my spare time on:

Playing more guitar and trombone (I may have to rent/buy one).
Reading more. I'm going to start buying and reading Penguin (or other) Classics, which is apparently a 20-year project.
Doing badass web stuff on behalf of the ECC and Iron Dragons (less fiddling with my own site).
Staying in shape. At least three, possibly four days of either running or working out per week. I've gotten into great shape over the summer, and there's no use losing it. This also means eating well and healthily, and sleeping more than, say, 6 hours a night.

The sad fact is that I, like anyone else, am a creature of habit, and good intentions can only do so much. Luck, nagging from friends and other outside motivation will have to take me the rest of the way.

Marathon!

For those who don't know I've been training for a marathon all summer. It's the Scotiabank Toronto Waterfront Marathon on September 25. For those who aren't fans of running, a marathon is always 42 km. That's far - I expect to take over 4 hours to finish, running nonstop. I'll be running with Bob, who's done a truly admirable job of going from a tubby (Haha! Admit it!) to a distance runner entirely since the beginning of the summer. In all honesty he used to jog for ~3 km distances and have to stop occasionally, as recently as April.

Anyway as a participant I have the option of fundraising for a charity of choice from a long list, and I've chosen the Alzheimer Society of Ontario in memory of my grandfather. Please sponsor me! Considering how far I'm running, $20 is less than 50¢ per kilometer. Would you run a kilometer if I gave you 50¢? I didn't think so.

Now Playing: Office Space Soundtrack - 07 - Geto Boys - Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta

What I Want To Do

2005-08-29T00:00:00+02:00

I'm doing Aerospace Engineering in school, for the last two years of a four year degree, and hopefully for a 12-16 month co-op term between third and fourth year. For the uninitiated, that's more or less your clichÃ© "rocket science." But, let us be clear, I probably won't work for NASA, and I'm not going to be an astronaut in the conventional sense.

Although there are many fascinating things happening on the "-space" side of aerospace engineering (development of the CEV and a possible Sino-European shuttle, probe robotics, etc.) I'm more interested in the "aero-" bits. Here's why:

First, I still have this irrational fear of stuffy academia. While many people I know have found things that fascinate them enough to commit themselves to postgrad/research, I still haven't found any focus of aerospace that I'd be willing to spend the rest of my life seeking grant money to work on.

Second, I'm pretty sure the US is going to tank at somepoint. Things are just going to go straight to hell in all kinds of ways. I'd like to be in the country or paid through their military spending when that happens, as aeronautics projects tend to be expensive and first on the chopping block.

On the other hand I don't have much of an interest in working for Boeing, Airbus, Bombardier or similar. Unless things go in a new and exciting direction, the A380 and 7E7 will be the flagship products for the next 10-15 years. Development an investment is so massive in the airliner industry that one could - I imagine - spend one's entire career developing, building and doing lifecycle engineering on a single aircraft or family. The prospect of exterting myself to the utmost for percentage improvements in cost, weight and efficiency isn't enough to excite me, no matter how revolutionary the materials or processes involved are.

If you've seen The Aviator, or heard of the X Prize, Scaled Composites, Burt Rutan or Virgin Galactic, you'll have a sense of what gets me going.

I love airplanes. I've loved flying so long I joined Air Cadets to get my glider and private pilot licenses. What I'd really like to do is work on a number of smaller, advanced projects. I don't feel a need to use or discover the absolute newest and most advanced materials or techniques, but I'd like to engineer short-run or one-off aircraft that do revolutionary things. Whether I get to fly or ride in them or not is a side issue - I can always fly small planes, which is fun aplenty.

If I can get this sort of job, I'll be doing something challenging and fun - what more does one need?

Now Playing: The Tragically Hip - Up To Here - 03 - New Orleans Is Sinking

Also…

2005-08-25T00:00:00+02:00

I now have a homebrewed MySQL/PHP booklist which I'm very happy about. I'm still debugging a script to display a database of my favourite poetry. The background changes every couple minutes but is still buggy - remember kids, X mod Y occasionally yields zero; make sure you're zero-indexed. Ahem

Now Playing: Millencolin - Kingwood - 11 - Mooseman's Jukebox

Big Delay

2005-08-25T00:00:00+02:00

I won't even bother covering everything I've missed. If it's important to the context in the future I'll fill in the details. It's a good policy: no playing catch-up just to make myself feel better. Work on what's important!

I stumbled across this recently. It's a well-considered and -supported solution to one of the many facets of institutional disorganization that bothers me about U of T. You'll note that every single organiziation and body within the university, every college, department, institute, and administration group has a different layout. Many of these feature poor design; some make me nauseous. Even the pages stemming from the root www.utoronto.ca have a background that wraps badly at modest display resolutions (1024 x 768 and more) - which is amateurish in the the extreme. In many cases addresses typed without www. preceding, for example, engineering.utoronto.ca, give needless error pages. That sort of thing should be handled automatically.

I'm not sure whether the existing lack of sound policy is to blame, or the ridiculous attachment webmasters always seem to have to their own designs. In any case, the whole university's public face (to potential undergraduate and graduate students, research and industry partners, and the media) would improve with:

A detailed but accessible CLF including templates, sample code, graphics (or a toolkit for producing them), covering text pages, contact listings, forms, tables etc. CSS is critical here to ensure webmasters don't add their favourite style of borders, rollover graphics and font scaling to various page elements.
A standard for incorporating dynamics pages, whether from PHP, ASP, CGI or other code, into the CLF. This could be done by providing a wrapper script.
Better URL/subdomain management.
Guidelines for RSS syndication of news.
Better, heirarchal organization of category pages with clear explanations. Rather than a website directory, a list of colleges a separate list of departments, a separate list of faculties etc. should be linked from the home page.

I'd go so far as to suggest the university develop or adapt an open-source CMS to be used by all departments. Creating a self-installing package that would set itself up automatically while prompting webmasters for department contact information and wrapper graphics would be the best bet. Ideally, layout should manage itself, while webmasters focus on keeping content up to date. Many webmasters I know, myself included, love to tinker with code and layout, but time should only be wasted on tinkering private pages. The university's major departments should have clean, well-maintained websites that present users with easily-accessible information, not a series of navigational puzzles.

The Government of Canada does a fairly good job of enforcing a common template across its various ministries - one that is simple but usable. A smaller organization such as the university should be agile enough to whip its web presence into a shape that reflects the technology-aware, forward-looking institution it hopes to be.

Now Playing: Tosca - Suzuki - 10 - The Key

Beyond Kyoto?!

2005-07-27T00:00:00+02:00

What is this shit?

Now Playing: Hallucinogen - The Lone Deranger - 06 - Gamma Goblins Part 2

The Eve of Destruction

2005-06-09T00:00:00+02:00

What's new, let's see. Aside from dragon boat and running, which are going strong, everything else is in a sort of limbo. This includes the job situation (I had an interview Monday with Design Shelter, but I won't hear back until "later this week or early next"), my summer reading/studying plans, and various other things it would be impolitic to talk about.

Speaking of politics, reading the paper every morning is becoming increasingly depressing. There are always signs of hope in national and world news, but inevitably they're cautious promises for the future, and outweighed by the glaring bad news at the present. To mind at the moment are:

Progress towards the Gaza withdrawal in Israel/Palestine continues to be shaky; the ceasefire is in doubt.
A White House official with ties to the petroleum industry seems to be doctoring reports on global warming (they say 'climate change') to make them even less decisive.
Canada's foreign aid spending is at something like 0.3% GDP. That's shameful.
U.S. foreign aid spending is at 0.2% GDP, and military spending at 3.6% GDP, or something. The 3.4% difference, to me, belies any show of rebuilding things recently blown up. To my understanding the Gulf War lasted a matter of months and had 400 American casualties; the current occupation is over 2 years old, with 1600 deaths. Comparisons to Vietnam (~60 000 dead, My Lai atrocities, etc.) are perhaps hyperbolic, but I'm not convinced things are stabilizing or ending anytime soon.
Nuclear agitation from North Korea, Iran et al; the failure of the NPT talks.
AIDS.
The French/Dutch 'No' on the EU constitution, probably killing it.

I could probably go on. Suffice it to say that things I'd like to see (world government, solving the raft of problems facing the Third World (Africa especially), peace-forcing/-keeping by non-national forces [under the UN, say], environmental reform) aren't even on the horizon, there's a lot of crap to wade through before they will be, and I'm not sure enough people want to do that wading.

Now Playing: Lagwagon - Blaze - 02 - E. Dagger

RUNTO

2005-05-30T00:00:00+02:00

"I am a consumer whore!" "And how!"

Justin's party was quality - we played some unconventional football, including a faked broken leg and the most spectacular fumble ever. Dad's famed nacho dip went over well. Jeff's was equally awesome, although I ended up doing quite a bit of chauffeuring, since I wasn't drinking. The hot tub was excellent, and I got to watch drunken antics, for once, instead of perpetrating them.

The Nike 10 km run went fairly well - I beat my target time of 45 minutes, finishing in 44:11. Photos forthcoming as soon as the Nike photographers get their collective ass in gear. Ran into lots of people I knew - besides Jerms, Brian, Chuck, Amy and Henry from dragonboat, there were Emily and Jamy (Iron Dragons 2005, both volunteering), Nem (ID2004), Sandra (Applewood), Yolanda (Glenforest) and Megan (Skule). The run itself wasn't too bad, but between the on/off weather beforehand and afterwards, stuffing our faces with free food (beef jerky and crispy baguettes…?!) and waiting 75 minutes for the ferry, it was an exhausting day. I'll definitely have to bring someone to babysit me for the marathon in the fall: I'll have to run four times as far at maybe four-thirds the pace. Urk.

Jon is finally using his deviantART account - good job, dude.

Now Playing: David Holmes - Let's Get Killed - 07 - Radio 7

James Bond is the man, to me, because - I don't care what nobody says - if you can get a gun an' shoot thirty people, walk out, blow it up, not get a piece of dirt on you, walk down the block, pick up a chick and take her to a motel, you is the shit! I don't give a damn, you is the shit!

Being Famous

2005-05-28T00:00:00+02:00

I Googled myself today, for fun (?…!). For Paul Kishimoto the top 5 matches actually refer to me. In quotes, 80 results show up, not all referring to me. My sister Marla Kishimoto doesn't give any relevant results - in quotes, there's nothing at all. A plain search for Kishimoto turns up my cousin Laura in about 130th position, and me. about 230th. Perhaps I should aspire to be at the top; perhaps that's hugely nerdy. We'll see.

Intermediate Salsa started today - I'm both proud and ashamed that I'm good at it. I don't seem to have forgotten much since November or December, either - should continue to be fun. The classes are 1.5h instead of 1h and it shows - I'm noticeably tired.

This weekend is packed: dragonboat, Justin's "Romanian Débutante Party" (not my choice of a name) and Jeff's "it's officially summer" pool party Saturday; followed by RUNTO most of Sunday, and who-knows-what (I do!) Sunday evening. Ergo, bed. I've come up with an interesting idea for an AI coding project; it has to do with the book I'm reading.

Now Playing: Millencolin - Life On A Plate - 07 - Jellygoose

Moved Again

2005-05-26T00:00:00+02:00

In yet another effort to be beholden to noone besides myself (and perhaps Dave) I've moved my blog here from Blogger. It's not that I feel Blogger isn't great, or better than LJ; it's only that WordPress was too shiny to resist, and two places online beats two.

The old theme complete with shiny backgrounds stolen from SXC and mind-numbing blackness will return as soon as I can figure out how to make WordPress look that way.

Bob, Brian, Cole and I all got back into Innis for next year - along with Kim, Nicole, Trisha, Brian C and a whole whack of other good people. Going to be good times, except perhaps for JP.

Now Playing: Bloc Party - Silent Alarm - 02 - Helicopters

Lazy

2005-05-08T00:00:00+02:00

I need a damn job, to post more in my ample free time, to register for my races, and to make some sort of a decision before the many-headed rebound hydra I've created rears up and bites me, or grows yet larger. But for now, wrapping a Mother's Day gift, downtempo music, then bed.

Now Playing: Air - Moon Safari - 08 - Ce Matin La

Cleaning

2005-04-28T00:00:00+02:00

Who'd have thought I've got so much stuff? I've spent most of the past week cleaning. I've cleaned my room, including unpacking, filling two large boxes with old books and Popular Science magazines (1992-2002!), two more with old clothes I never wear, and sorting through this year's schoolwork. Lots of stuff for charity. I seem to have been more organized this year; only one 3" binder and four notebooks for the whole year, as opposed to two 3" and one 1" for 2003-2004.

Also, I've purged the basement of a lot of old computer stuff. Unfortunately computer recycling seems to be a neglected area in Ontario, so I may have some trouble getting rid of it all. Currently I'm "fixing" my expenses record for the past term, and trying to figure out which Linux distro to install on an old 200 Mhz / 64 MB / 3 GB box so my parents can both use the internet at the same time.

Training for the marathon is getting in gear. I ran Monday, Wednesday, and today (Thursday) - today was one of the Nike runs from the store in Yorkville downtown. They're really organized hyping the 10 km race this year - unfortunately there's this whole trash-talk-between-boroughs ploy that's getting tiresome. I just want to run, jeez. Anyway, 34 minutes for 8 km today, including maybe 12 flights of stairs up and down. Pretty good!

Now: more finances, web design, and cleaning. Tomorrow: getting a damn job.

Now Playing: Lagwagon - Blaze - 02 - E. Dagger

"Like A Phoenix"

2005-04-19T00:00:00+02:00

I really like this album. Sam Roberts seems to have the right idea when he shouts "We will rise like a phoenix from the ashes" - it is something that should be shouted, not sort of…prayed. You know? "Life sucks right now, I hope I can somehow miraculously succeed" is not the tone that goes with the statement.

Is it pretentious to point out that there's only one phoenix?

…

I also like Every Part Of Me ("I can never bring them back but those days remain inside the very heart of me / My memories are white and black but the song's the same and plays in every part of me") and Rarefied ("You say you won't be a friend of mine, but you can't be a lover 'cause you take up all my time") - familiar sentiments both.

Packing right now for res moveout in … 3 hours! It feels good to be done. For better or worse, second year is over. Instead of routine and easily-derailed method of planning to live and do better next year, I'm going to start this summer. I'll outline my utterly ridiculous running plans later. Back to packing!

Now Playing: Sam Roberts - We Were Born In A Flame - 04 - Higher Learning

Everyone Else Has Had More Sex Than Me

2005-04-15T00:00:00+02:00

It's not strictly true anymore. Haha!

No, really - what I mean is that Flash music video that recently made the meme rounds. I've got this nagging idea that the audio is a parody of something else, or at least uses the tune of another less humorous song. Extensive Googling hasn't turned up anything - maybe I actually heard the same song, or perhaps they've just nailed that particular, rock-anthem style, thereby exemplifying every similar song I've heard.

Anyway I'd like a conclusive yea or nay. Any help?

FOCUS.

2005-04-14T00:00:00+02:00

I've got FOCUS in big red sharpie on a Post-It on my monitor, but it's only helping me sporadically. Tonight was a bit of a write-off; I printed off some past exams for Fluid Mechanics and went down to the Fish Bowl to study, but couldn't get into it because of

Boorishly drunk first-years stomping down the hall,
A rude couple gabbling at each other instead of studying, and
Cute girls just sitting there being cute.

Seriously, I made errors in a triple integral. I never do that. </sarcasm> So it's one post and off to bed.

I'm not sure what to think of all this uproar about Bernard Law celebrating one of the memorial Masses for the late Pope. He's the one who shuffled sexually abusive priests around the US to hide their actions. That's pretty bad form. On the other hand, protesting at the mass is a bit like squabbling at a funeral, except in this case much more disrespectful given the identity of the deceased. What strikes me even more is that the standard American response to offense (litigate, litigate, litigate) seems to be outweighing the Christian doctrine of forgiveness. The now-adult victims are surely scarred, but the fact that they're out for blood seriously dents my sympathy for them. The offending priests can be brought to trial; the current clergy can be vetted for deviants, and training and enforcement can be organized to prevent molesters from being ordained. Hounding Law smacks of revenge, by those who'd rather have their pound of flesh than contribute an ounce to prevention or anything at all to a cure.

I call myself a liberal but sometimes it gets pretty complicated. Time for bed.

Now Playing: Zero 7 - When It Falls - 07 - Passing By